How Would You Spend Your Last Thanksgiving?
If "safety" requires us to forfeit the most valuable parts of our lives, what exactly are we trying to save?
“Grandpa’s Arms” by Johnny Cohen https://unsplash.com/photos/OxOxqLAWvE0
Hi friends,
Here is the “Thanksgiving” piece I published on October 27, 2020, that I recently discussed on the
podcast with my good friend, .Although the piece is dated, the themes are evergreen, and I’m happy to have a reason to send it back out into the world (with minor edits) as both a reminder of what we all endured and the importance of never letting anything like this happen ever again.
Thanks for reading.
-AJ
2.8 Million.
That’s the annual, all-cause death toll in the United States, which means that November 26th will be the final Thanksgiving for 2.8 million Americans.
It could be my last — or yours. The likelihood of such a scenario is significantly higher for our elderly loved ones, so many of whom will not have hugged, touched, or even seen their family members in nine months.
… so many of them don’t understand why.
This video has been circulating on Twitter. “Damn prison,” says her son. I can’t watch it without tearing up.
The hard truth is that we never know who will be around for the next Thanksgiving, birthday, or holiday.
What we do have is right now — today — this very moment.
We aren’t promised one second more.
By now, we’ve all seen some version of the CDC’s Thanksgiving recommendations or heard California Governor Newsom’s Thanksgiving “Rules,” which include staying masked, keeping distance from loved ones in the same room, eating outdoors in the cold, and—best of all—foregoing the gathering altogether.
Twitter is abuzz with our newly christened “expert” class pontificating on “safety” (and morality), asserting that the right, good, and loving thing to do is to physically distance ourselves from our families this year.
They propose this forfeiture after we’ve already forgone countless once-in-a-lifetime experiences and events to mitigate their newly-minted definition of risk that takes only a single variable into account.
And, all this time, they have neglected to acknowledge that so many of our seniors — those who have the least time to waste— reject their version of safety because it costs them precious moments with their families.
Our elders have already achieved quantity in their lives. What most of them want more than anything is quality — and that, of course, includes spending time with their loved ones.
I wholeheartedly disagree with the “expert” recommendations and believe this Thanksgiving presents us with a long-awaited opportunity to reconnect with our humanity and remind us why we want so badly to live.
Spending quality time with our families, friends, and support systems is not a frivolous or selfish desire to be dismissed or diminished. For many, it’s a matter of life and death. Human connection is not a nice-to-have; it’s a biological imperative – and that’s some science actually worth following.
So, for me, there’s only one ‘unsafe’ version of Thanksgiving, and that’s failing to be present with my family and allowing weaponized shame and performative restrictions to keep us apart.
God forbid one of us isn’t sitting at that table next year — for whatever reason — I can’t imagine grappling with the regret of having sacrificed this occasion to gather and give thanks with and for them one last time.
And if one (or even all) of us get COVID as a result – or any illness, for that matter - so be it. We will keep calm and carry on. Risk is always relative, and safety is never guaranteed – and those facts have never stopped us from living true to our values, one of which is ‘family first.’
And we’re better, happier, and healthier for it.
So if, despite the overwhelmingly favorable odds, lightning strikes and COVID takes one or more of us from the rest, I guarantee you that we won’t regret spending Thanksgiving together for even a second.
Because when “safety” requires us to indefinitely forfeit the most valuable parts of our lives, what exactly are we trying to save?
We traveled throughout the "pandemic" to see friends and family. Our simple calculus was, "If this is the end of the world, we are going to see MORE of those we love, not less." (cheap airfare and uncrowded airports didn't hurt)
Well said, AJ.